Servants of the Season: Burgundy 2021

BY NEAL MARTIN | JANUARY 05, 2023

Côte de Beaune: Aloxe, Ladoix & Pernand | Beaune | Chassagne-Montrachet | Maranges, Monthelie & St-Aubin | Meursault | Pommard | Puligny-Montrachet | Volnay

Côte de Nuits: Chambolle | Fixin & Marsannay | Gevrey-Chambertin | Morey-Saint-Denis | Nuits Saint-Georges | Vosne-Romanée

Many consider being the Creator of life, the universe and everything a career peak. God realizes there is a higher station in life: a Burgundy winemaker. Tottering about the vines would be a perfect way to switch off from the daily grind of organizing everything in existence. However, omnipotence only gets you so far when trying to outmaneuver the world’s wealthiest, swooping like hawks at the sniff of a sale. So, He contacts a clandestine organisation that assists winemakers in getting a toehold in the Côte d’Or, sandwiched between two private members’ clubs in Beaune. As church bells strike midnight, He raps upon a weathered oak door and is beckoned into a crepuscular interior. A jowly man attired in a velvet blazer sits behind a mahogany desk, signals Him to take a chair and, resting chin upon arched hands, asks how he may be of service.

“I would like to buy a few vines. I’d like to make wine,” God says, only to be met with belittling laughter.

“Mon Dieu…”

“Yes?”

“You cannot seriously expect to waltz in with such a demand.”

“Only a few rows. Nothing fancy.”

“You cannot just buy vines in the Côte d’Or,” he splutters incredulously. “Not unless you possess Godlike powers…”

“Well, actually…”

“Qualifications?”

“I’ve just begun a WSET certificate at Battersea College.”

“Impressive. Perhaps we can assist you in becoming a nano-négociant.”

“A nano-what?”

“One level down from micro-négociant. We give you a pseudonym that sounds faintly pretentious. We’ll invent a romantic backstory, how Bacchus appeared in a dream, how you made a barefoot pilgrimage thousands of miles until you reached the walls of Montrachet, and there the vines prophesied your destiny…”

“Erm…”